Fantastic Four: the F4 Files: Episode 1

[Shane]

 The F4 Files:

Episode 1

The Treasure of Captain Brandywine.

By Shane Luttrell



A park bench in Central Park can usually hold three people comfortably. But one bench on this sunny spring day held just one person, and no one else could have possibly squeezed on. For the occupant was one Benjamin J. Grimm. Lots of people liked to call him "the Thing". He liked that name, because it could mean lots of different things. It might mean that he was a horrible monster, but he preferred to think of it in the sense of being really special. Like, "Man, that Ben Grimm is so cool! He's the next big 'thing'!". Even Coca Cola had come up with a slogan that everyone knew: "it's the REAL THING". Ben was a little upset about that, because he considered himself to be the real Thing. But, he finally decided it was ok because everytime somebody drank a coke they would think of him. He also thought the name was cool because it rhymes with Fling, King, Sing, Ping, not to mention Ring-a-ling-ding. Also, when he went down south people tended to call him "the Thang". He liked that, too.

He was mulling all this over, when a small brown mutt trotted up to him and sat by his feet. Ben tore off a small piece of his three-and-half-foot-long hot dog and laid it in front of the dog.

"Hiya, pooch," Ben said, "betcha never thought ya'd get a weiner from the ever-lovin' blue-eyed THING."

The dog hungrily ate the hot dog.

"Hey, that's not half bad!",said a funny-sounding voice. "how about another?"

Ben looked around. "Who said that?" He demanded. He checked under the bench, but there was no one there.

He looked at the mutt. "Ummm...I feel stupid askin' this...but did you just say somethin', dog?"

The dog looked at him and replied, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a talking dog before?"

Of course Ben was surprised to have a dog suddenly walk up and engage him in a conversation. "I must be really losin' it!", he exclaimed, "Uh... what was that you said again, pooch?"

The dog answered, "I said, how about another bite of that hot dog? And by the way, the name's not "pooch"...it's "Griswald"."

Ben was trying to keep his composure in the face of this monumental development. But now he faced a dilemna. He wanted to find out more about the dog. On the other hand, he sure hated to give away any more of his hot dog. "Ah... I don't know, Griswald," he said, "these things cost two bucks, y'know!"

The dog laughed. "Hah! That's penny-anny stuff compared to what I can show ya!"

This interested Ben tremendously. "What d'ya mean, Grizz, ol' pal?"

"Well, if it's worth that WHOLE hot dog, I MIGHT just tell ya a little secret I picked up on the docks the other day."

The Thing looked lovingly at the frankfurter. He sure hated to do it, but he regretfully handed it over to Griswald. When the dog finished the last bite, Ben asked him, "So what's this you were sayin about hearin' a secret on the docks?"

The dog looked up at him and said, "Ya ever hear of ...the Treasure of Captain Brandywine?"

_____________________________

Ben burst into the room where Reed was working on his latest experiment. The scientist had been hard at work trying to artificially duplicate his wife's power of invisibility. So far he hadn't had much luck, though. He could only turn inanimate objects invisible. Organic objects were strangely unaffected. So, while he could make his clothes disappear, his body remained visible. He had just performed this test on himself and was standing there with invisible clothes on when Ben came flying in.

"Reed! Listen, you ain't never gonna...."Ben paused, and he covered his eyes, "Fer the luvva Pete, Stretcho, is this casual day or what?!? Do ya know yer buck NEKKID?!?!?"

Reed looked down. "Oh," he said, "my apologies, old friend. I'll turn the Inviso-beam off. There, you can open your eyes now!"

Ben peeked out, saw that his friend was again decent, and said, "Geez, Stretcho, a thing like that could give a fella nightmares!"

"I don't believe I appreciate that remark, but nevermind," said Reed, "now what were you saying about me not believing something or other?"

Ben suddenly remember. "Oh yeah!", he cried. "Brace yerself stretcho! I've been out at Central Park....talkin' to a DOG!"

Reed looked dissaprovingly at his friend. "Honestly Ben, that's nothing new. After all, I did get a look at that last girl you took on a date!"

"No, NO!", cried the Thing, "I mean a real dog!"

Reed looked annoyed. "Ben I am in the middle of an important experiment, and I don't have time for any childish stories. Please go bother Sue or Johnny while I get back to work."

"But... he really is a talking dog!", exclaimed Ben, "and he's gonna show me where a treasure is when I meet him tonight at the Pizza Palace! And..."

Reed shot Ben a warning look, "BEN, for the last time, please leave! I don't have any time for your foolishness right now!"

Ben stuck out his bottom lip. "Nuts!", he cried. "Alright, then, Smart Guy! But after me and the talkin' dog Griswald are marchin' down Main Street carryin' the lost treasure of Captain Brandywine, we'll see who looks foolish!"

Reed sighed and went back to work.

________________________________________

That night Griswald met the Thing by the Pizza Palace. The dog insisted Ben buy him a large meat-craver's pizza before they headed for the secret treasure.

After the dog had eaten, he said to Ben. "Ok, listen up, Grimm. In about ten minutes you're gonna be right smack dab in the middle of the Treasure of Captain Brandywine. So follow me, and get ready for a night you'll never forget!"

"Lead the way, lil' buddy!", cried the Thing. "I can't wait to get my hands on all those franks, and yens and Spanish Dabloomers!"

The dog led the way. They went about six blocks and then turned into an alley. There, the dog stopped under a fire escape. "Ok, Grimm, pick me up and carry me up three floors! Then go in."

"Gotcha, Grizz." said the joyful Thing. He grabbed the dog and climbed to the third floor. When he stepped inside, he put the dog down.

"Ok, Grimm. It's really dark ahead, so you'll just have to listen to my voice. Walk twenty paces straight ahead."

Ben did as he was told.

"Now, ten paces to your left"

"Okay, Grizz," said the Thing, "but I can't see a thing in this place!"

"Now," said the dog, "this is REALLY important. The room where the treasure is hidden is protected by the Sucky Slime Worms of the Sargasso Sea."

"Sucky...slime worms?"asked the Thing, a hint of fear creeping into his voice.

"Yeah." answered Griswald. "But, there is a box with some clothes in it, right at your feet. Put on the special Anti-Sargasso Slug Suit, and tell me when you've got it on...and don't forget the special slime-proof shoes."

The Thing obeyed. "Gee, I feel kinda silly, Griswald, " he said, "I hope this getup don't clash with my baby blues!"

"Forget about that," answered Griswald. "Are you ready...for the Treasure of Captain Brandywine?!?"

"You mean now?",asked the Thing.

"Yes, right now!", cried Griswald.

The Thing was almost beside himself with excitement "Yeah!", he cried, "I wanna see the treasure of Captain Brandywine!"

"Then take ONE STEP FORWARD!!!" commanded the dog.

Ben eagerly stepped out in the dark. He put his foot down....and immediately went tumbling headfirst through a trapdoor!

CRAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ben slowly opened his eyes. "Wha....?"

He had fallen bottom-first into a wooden barrel on a large stage. As the dazed Thing looked around, he saw about twenty ballerinas and male ballet dancers staring at him in shock. They were all dressed in Pirate outfits and standing on a stage replica of a pirate ship. Then, he saw about two thousand more people in the audience. Most of them had their mouths open as they tried to figure out if this was part of the ballet they were watching.

"Awww....Nuts!!", the Thing cried, as he realized he had been duped.

He struggled out of the barrel. Suddenly, the crowd burst into wild laughter and applause. Ben looked down at himself. In horror he realized he was wearing a dainty little ballerina costume with a frilly pink tutu.

"Wotta revoltin' development!", he cried. He wanted to find a dark hole to hide in. In base humiliation, he yelled to the crowd..."Have any of you seen a little talking dog named Griswald?!"

The crowd roared.

Suddenly the dog ran up onto the stage an looked innocently at the Thing.

"Why, you little..."Ben started to say. But suddenly something on the balcony caught his eye. It was a large white banner held up by about ten men.

It read, "WHY DON'T YA LOOK UNDER HIS COLLAR, STUPID?"

Ben reached down and yanked off the dog's collar. In it was a mini-microphone and reciever. Also attached to the collar was a rolled up note. Ben unrolled the note, and read the untidy writing:

"You look BEAUTIFUL in your dainty little ballerina suit! HAW, HAW, HAW!! Love, the Yancy Street Gang."

Ben was so embarrassed, he didn't know what to do. He turned to one of the dancers, and asked, "Umm, this play by any chance wouldn't be called "The Treasure of Captain Brandywine", would it?"

The dancer managed to stop laughing long enough to say "YES!!" He then resumed his helpless laughter.

"Well", thought the Thing, "they sure outdid themselves this time!"

He turned back to the balcony, and raised his hand to his forehead in a gesture of salute.

"Watch yer backs, boys!" he bellowed.

He then made a hasty exit, stage right.

The End